Is reality real... if so... why?

i know I've been neglecting this blog for too long. Is this a good signal? or a bad signal?... This blog helps a lot to pour my thoughts and fears... well, most of them... I cannot pour everything as I never know who could ever read this... just imagine I turn out to become famous in the future and someone finds this! ... well, I doubt that, because... anyone knows a famous Egyptologist?... well yes, Howard Carter... but well, let's be honest. Famous for my work? I hope not. I know I had a public profile when I started this last "adventure"... or should I call it "nightmare"?
This "job" had it's good and bad things... at the beginning... most of them were good... now?... I don't know... or no, yes, I know but well... those who know me ... know what I feel about this whole situation.

I'm going somewhere with this post... I think I'm walking in circles. My mind wanders around... I need relax... holidays... peace of mind... calm... probably what I need the most is silence. I don't mean silence of sound, if you know what I mean. Silence in life, tranquility. I live in a constant state of nervousism, waiting to see what happens now, what other problem will arise...

Shit... this is becoming a sad post, and I don't like it. I know usually I hide my feelings under a costume of cynism... usually works... quite usually, but those who know me understand this.

Well... I need inspiration (or a couple of beers probably but well... at least this blog doesn't feel lonely anymore.